Something So Small

Over Thanksgiving, Warrior, Little Man and I went on an unplugged vacation. We were out where the stars shine bright and the milky way is indeed, milky. There was no cell phone reception (NO iPhone!! ACK!) and no internet at the home we stayed in.

Here is a collection of random thoughts I would have Twittered (maybe) had I been able to Twitter. Enjoy:

(Thanksgiving Day 2008)
BACON!!

Waffles, coffee (baba)

Chill out.
Into town for Groceries.
Choo-choo train in store.
Dropped groceries.
Went to water to walk on bluffs.
Back for lunch.
Titi nap (that's the Little Man's nickname)

Mom & Dad cleanup & bird prep

Drinking hot chocolate out of a bowl, because the mugs here are SO TINY!! While Warrior does the dishes.

(Later)

This is definitely a Cracker house.

I LOVE MY BOYS!!!!

SCORE! Brand new Herbes de Provence in the spice rack!

A FOX!! So awesome! (In the yard.)

(Even later)

OH MY GOD THE FRIDGE SMELLS LIKE TURKEY

"My pants are going nowhere." -Jack Johnson

GLove is SO HOTT

We need an HD sound system.

These thoughts are embarrassing.

(Later still)

On Myopia
Alt. On Being Myopic

The Art of Unplugging
Alt. On Unplugging
[ideas for guest post for ZoeyJane]

~ ~ ~
Random enough for you?

It All Started Out So Innocently...

(Better settle in kids, it's a long one (by VDog standards).)

I had posted two times in one week. Two times!! Not only in one week, oh no! In two days.

I knew it could quite possibly be a mistake even as I was hitting the "publish post" button. VDog just don't publish two times a week, people. So I got cocky. I thought to myself, 'wow! Now I have the rest of the week to slack off!' blog wise, that is.

So I went about trying to be a good housewifey and mama. Dishes were unloaded. Laundry was done. Outings were had.

This same week was the week that the GranCracker left after a two week stay. She had been cooking dinner every night (AWESOME and gourmet n shit!) and was watching the Little Man every morning so that I could take a shower. Cuz honestly? Mama V don't get showers more than two times a week either. Gross, I know.

So we're trottin' along, accomplishments stacking up, and then it hits me...the big bad depression. When really, what did I have to be depressed about? My life is actually really really good and I have a ton to be thankful for.

BUT, I have been prone to depression before and lived through deep dark recesses of time where sometimes I couldn't even get out of bed. Times where I wouldn't go to school for a week, or two weeks, and I would just cry. Or sleep. Or feel sorry for myself.

Because I DID have reasons. Reasons to feel worthless. Reasons to feel not good enough. Never good enough. Reasons too deep and dark for VDog's Blog, so let's just say four years of intense therapy made things much, much better.

And yet here I was, hit by a Mack truck of hormones and genetic predispositions that I couldn't do anything about. I've always had a reason to be depressed, and this Fall, I really felt like, "SHIT! I've got a great life and I STILL feel depressed?? WTF?"

Dawn asked if there were any emotional minefields for me in September. Well there's one personally big one, and then there's the Country's big one. There's what Dawn and I have come to call "Dead Dad Day" or "Dead Dad Anniversary." That's the beginning of September for me, and then, of course, there's the 9/11 Anniversary.

9/11 happened my Senior year of College. Warrior got me out of bed, and I sat, sleepy-eyed, and watched the horror on our television screen. It took a few weeks to sink in, and once again I fell into a depression and skipped two weeks of school. The only reason I ever return(ed) is because I, ya know, kinda cared about my grades and graduating 'on-time' and stuff.

Now I'm thinking it's pretty ridiculous for me to think that I can get away from years of serious depression without having some sort of relapse. I got through all the worst times in my life without medication because both my therapist and I felt, well, I had serious reasons TO be depressed. I probably could have felt better a lot sooner WITH some meds though.

So here I am now, feeling magically better, but still considering that magic pill. Will it make me more effective as a person? Will it let me handle stress more evenly? Will it make me less VDog?

Another thing I've realized is that when I'm continually surrounded by more people than just the Little Man and Warrior (e.g., GranCracker's visit), I get a HUGE let down afterwards. It's happened to me a couple of time before, and I know now that I need to watch out for THAT minefield as well. I'm learning that I truly enjoy being more social and when that "village" disappears, I get depressed.

As for my last post, I want to thank you all for your wonderful, supportive, helpful comments. My issue is that I keep having that hold-your-breath reaction, even though it is no longer founded. When someone asked me if Little Man was two months old when he was five months old, it really hurt me since I felt like he was getting to look more age-appropriate. I guess that is just sticking with me, and frankly, it sucks. I know that the way to get over it is just to have it keep coming up and examine the feelings until I'm good with it and it doesn't come up anymore.

I know this because I've done it before and it's how I've dealt with most of my issues. I just need more time. Like ZoeyJane said, I've got a few more years to milk this whole preemie thing.

There's more to say, but maybe I should keep it for next week. (HA!)

Thank you all for your love and support, it means the world to me.

I Love the 80's

My claim to fame, or one of my reasons for notoriety, amongst my (mostly 6+ year older than me) friends is the fact that I was *barely* born in the 70's. That's right, folks, VDog *just* made it into the world in time to be born in 1979. Two weeks to spare, even.

So why in the heck am I writing a post about the 80's? To gloat that I was but a wee lass while many of you got to come of age during the most awesome-est decade EVAH?? No, because CityMama had a whole week (or so) of '80's themed posts, and I felt inspired.

Here's a few of my favorite things from the 1980's:

Toys: Care Bears (I loved the one with the heart), Cabbage Patch Kids (I always wanted a preemie one and never got one; however in real life I DID have a preemie, strange, right?), My Little Pony's, my super awesome boy's BMX dirt bike (I could be a tomboy like that).

TV/Movies: He-Man (I have the POWER!!!) and his not-quite-as-cool counterpart, She-Ra, The Smurfs, the aforementioned Care Bears, and then moving on to super cool shows like Full House and Perfect Strangers. My older sister and I LOVED watching Dukes of Hazzard and The A-Team when our parents were busy minding our two younger siblings.

One of the first movies I saw in the theaters was Return of the Jedi. Our whole house was seriously obsessed with Star Wars. (Oh Luke, he's SOOO cute! *swoon*) We had the tapes of Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, so even though I was only six, I had seen both prequels numerous times before I learned about Ewoks.

Music: While the rest of you, I'm sure, were listening to some super cool New Wave music, I was listening to KIIS FM (home of Rick Dees in the morning).
I dove head first into Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Martika (oh yes I did), and eventually, New Kids on the Block. Joey was my favorite. Of course, Madonna was there, but she was my BFF's fave, and you CAN'T have the same favorite singer. Like, fer reals.

Clothes: And then there was the leggings. And stirrup pants (PLEASE tell me you didn't wear those). The legwarmers were HAWWWT. As were the Jelly shoes. Don't forget the Guess? Jeans and jean jackets (but DON'T wear both at once!).

Then, of course, there was the Aqua-Net necessary Wave Bang hair-do:

Don't even try to hide the fact that you lurved your Aqua Net, too.

Why did YOU love the 80's?

Unveiling My Neuroses (aka, The Cracker In Me)

Yesterday's post may have been a wee-tad overly dramatic. Ahem. That's what happens when you get stream of consciousness then push "Publish Post."

In addition to my flair for the dramatic, I also have a slew of other neuroses. Shall we get right to it?

1) I have self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder. I can rarely finish a task without coming back to it (save diaper changes and other must-do-now kidlet related tasks).

-When I actually get up the nerve to clean the house, you can guaran-damn-tee that I won't finish unloading the dishwasher before I go wipe down the coffee table, then change the laundry, while picking up and dropping things off randomly around the house.

-This annoys Warrior to no end, shaking his head and sighing at me, because he's actually good at cleaning AND he manages to stay focused and finish each task one at a time.

-It's almost as though I can't finish a task because the thought of what I'm doing (i.e., actually CLEANING, something I'd rather NOT be doing) is too much for me to bear - so I need to break it up into small bits so that the task doesn't seem so ominously LARGE.

-I get distracted by shiny things, loud noises, and the sound of my brain ticking.

2) I'm a yeller. I was the designated loud person in my family growing up, which had it's rewards and punishments. I loved calling all three of my siblings to dinner, but at the same time, I got spanked for yelling up the stairs once when my brother was a sleeping infant. I can kind of get that now, but holy hot hell, can you say mixed messages?

-I have for the most part curbed this behavior over the years, mostly at Warrior's insistence, because he don't roll like that. I DO NOT want to be The Mom That Yells At Her Kid.

-Sometimes this behavior slips out because...

3) I can be a bit of a hot head. There are times when a rage sprouts up inside me and it takes everything I have to keep it down. Blow ups DO still occur, but on a much smaller scale than they used to.

-I was the Queen of the bottled-up rage as a teenager.

-Now I don't bottle it up (much) and have extricated toxic people from my life to help facilitate this. (I've also worked on it in therapy and stuff.)

4) I have had anxiety of the "I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, and gosh darnit, nobody likes me" variety.

-Occasionally the evil voices of self-doubt still spring up on me when I am least expecting them.

5) I have had anxiety on the social functions/crowds/panic attack spectrum.

-My first panic attack was when I was 16. I was Christmas shopping with my older sister at a Wherehouse Music store when it all got to me - the lights, the warm store, the people - and I had to get the eff outta there as my heart was pounding, my breathing became rapid and my head started spinning (NOT literally, people, geez!).

*
I'm already losing my focus here (actually I've been back and forth on this post for an hour now, so...), I JUST realized my coffee is in the microwave (I found peas from last night in there when I put my coffee in), and...wait, what was I saying again?

Oh yeah, this edition is closed. For now. I can't promise more of them. But, I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF MY NEUROSES. (Even if they ARE slightly embarrassing.)

Thanks to all mah Crackah friends for your support yesterday. I DID find the marker, and Little Man DID get in a (fairly) good nap. Life could have sucked more, that's for sure.

Impending Doom

Do you ever wake up and just feel, in your heart of hearts, that the day is just going to be a complete and total housejob*?  And despite your best feeble efforts to have an attitude change, your heart still races ever so slightly when you think of the impending housejobs?

Today I feel like I've got too much to take care of and too many people to make happy.  I know everyone makes their OWN happiness, so why I feel like I can affect the outcome of other people and at the same time housejob my own is most likely what people call irony.  Only it's probably not REALLY irony just what people think irony means.

Confused yet? So is my brain right now.  The thing that is getting me most (besides the fact that I probably won't get a shower in today) is that quite likely the Little Man's nap will get farked for one reason or another, and I can barely stand the thought of a day without a good nap. Also, there's a marker missing, and I can't stand just having the cap sitting there mocking me, saying, "neener, neener, bet ya can't find my mate! There's TOTALLY gonna be washable brown marker all over EVERYTHING by the time you find it! HAHA!"

That is all.  Carry on.

*A housejob is another way of saying clusterf*ck, everything's effed up, going wrong, turned out wrong, or is JUST NOT RIGHT.

From the VDog School of Cracker Food Preparation

Say you're VDog and you think, hmm, my eggplant parmesan doesn't have enough cheese on it. Say, however, that you live in Casa de Cracker, and you don't have any mozzarella in shred or di bufala style.

What do you do?

Why, slice up a string cheese, of course!

And look forward to little bits of yummy, melty goodness.

Cracker cooking: Cheese = good.

*By the way, the shirt is going to the lovely and talented Miss ZoeyJane!*

Again? Really?

CityMama tagged me for a meme, oh, forever ago? And since I'm such a *stellar* blogger, I'm just getting around to it. No hard feelings, I hope!

The rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Six Random Things About VDog:

1. I am obsessive about clean ears and Q-tips (NOT "cotton swabs"). Sometimes I check other people's ears to make sure they are clean. Sometimes I am disgusted by what I see.

2. Car alarms that honk when you arm them really annoy me. You know you can just make it flash your lights, right? Nice little "peep, peep" noises, like Toyota factory installed alarms are completely acceptable. Just don't honk at me, k?

3. I have arthritis in my big left toe. It hurts. I dropped a 4" binder on it about five years ago, and failed to go to the Doctor because I didn't think it was a "big deal." Oops.

4. I don't eat red meat and I have never tried Lamb.

5. I don't always wear my wedding ring. I forget sometimes. Oops.

6. (Holy crap moly! I'm already at #6!) I drive a Volvo station wagon with a "hippie box" (Thule) on top.

Now for the tags:

Karen

Madame Queen

Cathy

Christie

LVGurl (maybe this will give you a reason to post again ;) heh)

Lia

And one more for good luck: Al_Pal ;)

Have fun with it, ladies! (And no pressure if you don't want to do it. If you do, let me know and I'll replace the link to be the permalink.)

What's your favorite random fact about VDog? Disagree with my pet peeves? Let me know.... :D

Le Sigh

I just had a trying dinner with the Little Man, to say the least. He wouldn't eat anything I put in front of him. Not even Cheerios. It was that damn bad.

I managed to get some baby food down him, and his reflux medicine.

By the end of the meal, both my shirt and pants were wet.

He refused to take his nap this afternoon, which no doubt was the reason for him being Fussy McFusserson tonight. But the rest of the day had been nice. What happened? Ugh.

++++++++

Little Man has managed to chip his left front tooth after he had it for only about two weeks. This says to me that I am in serious trouble for the future. I have no idea how he did it. I can only "look forward" to more of his craziness as he gets older.

+++++++

Today at Gymboree I got the dreaded dropped octave "Oh." You know the one? Where the person you are talking to lowers their voice and gives you that, "OH" (while they think to themselves, "how awful, OMG, what do I say now?").

We are trying out the "Level 3" classes since that is the age range Little Man is supposed to be in now -- 10 to 16 months -- and the minimum requirement skills-wise is that they be able to crawl. These classes are a whole different beast than the mellow, barely moving and shaking Level 2 classes for the 6 to 10 month olds.

I've noticed that Little Man is by far the least advanced and the shrimpiest out of the kids (but to be fair, there are SIXTEEN MONTH OLDS (!!!) there).

One boy I saw looked somewhat in the same range as Little Man, size-wise, so I asked how old "Jack" was. The mom said, "one next week."

She asked me about Little Man and I said that he'll be one three weeks from today, on New Year's Day.

"Oh, wow! When did you go in the hospital? When did you know?" she asked.

"Actually I went into the hospital with pre-term labor on December 19th at 30 weeks, and he was born at 32 weeks," I replied.

"Oh."
"Well he seems to be fine now!"

"Yeah, he's doing great," I shrank, absorbing the "Oh" of pity.

I haven't gotten that "oh" in a long time. Since Little Man has grown so tall, I've stopped getting the OMFG, WHY is your baby SO SMALL?!?!?!

Once, when he was five months old, a woman asked if he was two months old. That one really hurt.

It's so hard when I feel like people think that there's something "wrong" with my baby.

I can't believe the number of people who asked me in the last month if Little Man is walking yet. I mean, how many full-term ten month old boys do you know that are walking?? I don't know any. Grr....

+++++++

I'm feeling sensitive and a bit raw today.

*Le Sigh.*

I Did It!

The Rookie Moms can ALWAYS make you feel good with their simple activities, like this one: Write a Did-Do List.

Here's mine for the day:

Changed 6 diapers, 2 of which were poopy.

Flushed the contents of 2 poopy diapers ('cause, you know, you're supposed to? Sometimes I am lazy, though, I admit it.)

Successfully administered 2 doses of heart medicine, 2 doses of antibiotics, and one dose of acid reflux medicine to Little Man.

Took my calcium supplement.

Managed to get through 3 meals with the Little Man.

Fed myself lunch! Woot!

Took the dog for a walk, and a nice one, at that.

Had a play date with JC and CC.

Took a shower *gasp* AND *GASP* WASHED MY HAIR. Oh happy day.

Met a Mom's Group friend and made it for Gymboree Open Play time.

Got Little Man to crawl through the big tunnel at Gymbo for the first time!! (He rolls army commando style.)

Picked up some dairy free cookies for myself. Woot!

Went to Trader Joe's and picked up some provisions.

Threw together some crackah-style couscous with peas and walnuts to go with our heated up TJ's Just Chicken for dinner.

Wrote this post.

What did YOU do today?

My First Thursday Thirteen

You know it's getting bad when I'm resorting to new theme posts when we're only a week into NaBloPoMo.

I present to you a random list of stuff for my first outing:

1) I was awarded another Egel Award by the man himself, Bradley Egel. Whoopee!

I award it to:

ImpostorMom

ramblings from an a.d.d. "type b"

Tattoos & Drool

(I know there were more, I will add them later.)

2) Mr. Egel has a thought provoking post up today about the Presidential Election. Many opinions weighing in in the comments section. Check it out.

3) The number of nights in a row I have been up and down, up and down with the Little Man. Sometimes he manages to sleep only thirty minutes at a time. Blame him for my late post today.

4) I have joined a Moms & Babies Meet-up group, because, really, I don't have enough to do already. HA! #7 also joined the group, so that's awesome, and one other mom from my Mom's Group is in it, too. The other ladies I've met are super cool so far, so it will be nice to have people to see and places to go once it starts raining.

5) I'm having "one of those days" today. I'm just so unmotivated to do anything, and everything I do manage to do ends up turning out wrong. Is Friday here yet?

6) Did you know that Mighty Goods now has an offshoot called Mighty Junior? Yeah, me neither.

7) Have you ever read The Pioneer Woman Cooks? It is an absolutely beautiful blog -- her pictures are so delicious. (This link is specifically posted for the GranCracker.) Dawn introduced me to this blog.

8) How about the Fabulous Mrs. Fussypants? We don't have much in common, what with her being Christian, Southern, and Republican, but we ARE both fabulous and hilarious. (HA!) She is WAY more fabulous and hilarious, but I've got room to grow. Have you seen this post of hers? Pure safety genius.

9) Did you know that Earth's Best Infant "Whole Grain Wheat Semolina Pastina" is really just a creative way for you to spend more money on whole wheat couscous? You can thank me later. (Little Man didn't even like it.)

10) If you can't get the package open yourself, you shouldn't eat the cookies. (Damn Newman's Own Champion Chip Cookies! Dairy-free, though! Woot!)

11) #3 just complained to me that he's "been crashing hella early...was in bed at 8:20pm last night...slept till 9am." Oh, WHAAAA. Cry me a frickin' river.

12) "The Bro" (Warrior's brother) is here in Cali for training in a new techy thing. He got in on Sunday and will stay until next Sunday. He is staying with us and we are doin' it up like old times (his job transferred him & his family away from us four years ago). Little Man is still trying to figure it out.

13) We apparently need to get a "pipe spy" to see if we have tree roots growing in our sewer line. I don't even want to get into how we found this out. Heh.

So, totally random, right? Did you enjoy this randomness? Should I do it ever again? Or just post a picture of Little Man if this is the other option? LOL.

Thank you to all of you who have left comments here and on the Buzz, IMmed, Twittered or emailed wondering how Little Man is doing. His fever is back (not sure actually if it ever went away) and he is miserable, poor cutie. There will be a Haiku about snot tomorrow. I know you're looking forward to that. Heh.

Of course I will keep you updated as to his condition.

Truly Fascinating Subject Matter

My 100th post! I guess I'm "supposed" to do the great "100 things about me" post...let's see how far I can get. I'm also guessing that these "things" are supposed to be interesting...we'll see about that. HA!

1. I started dating the Warrior when I was a wee eighteen years old.
2. I got engaged to the Warrior at twenty-two years old, the fall after I graduated from University.
3. I got married to the Warrior more than six years after we started dating. I was twenty-four.
4. I met the Warrior through my friend, and his roommate, LouDog.
5. I am six, nearly seven, years younger than the Warrior.
6. I got butterflies when I met the Warrior. I thought he was cute, in a nerdy, glasses-wearing kind of way.
7. I had to convince Warrior to date me, because I was "too young" for him.
8. I said, "I love you" first. It just came out. He later told me that he could have said it after two weeks (TWO WEEKS, people!! I'm that damn good.) and it would have been true.
9. I'm still a bit peeved that he kept me waiting if he meant it earlier.

Speaking of peeves (back to Warrior later, I'm sure), I hate:
10. The expression, "pet peeves."
11. The word, "panties." They should ALL be underwear. It's like, "ooooh, PAN-ties." I think it's a sexist term, and it just makes me want to ralph.
12. When businesses don't have a website. I need to do research, people!
13. The expression, "teacher's pet." Hated it since grade school.
14. Internet Explorer (most of the time)(firefox RULZ).
15. Vista (blows my bloomin' arse).
16. Doing the dishes.
17. Folding laundry.
18. When my baby has a fever (right now it's 102.7 F). :(
19. How short the days are now (darn time change!).
20. Being late. Sadly, it is an all too common occurrence now that I am a mom.
21. Writing Thank You notes. I still have about 10 million to write for gifts from Little Man's birth. Ten months ago. Um, yeah. I have a serious problem. Sorry to all of my dear friends and family who have not received a note yet. Your gifts are truly appreciated. Truly.
22. The anxiety I feel when I think about un-written Thank You notes. (So why don't I just write them already??)

If you couldn't tell, I am:
23. A MAJOR procrastinator. If it can be done tomorrow, why not do it tomorrow?
24. Generally fairly messy. But clean. If that makes sense.
25. NOT a perfectionist. I got over that a looong time ago. I strive for a B+. And when that fails, a C will do.
26. Truthful to a fault at times.
27. A Sagittarius (see #26).

I am also:
28. Born in the year of the Goat (Sheep?? Something like that).
29. The second of four kids.
30. One of three sisters.
31. A voter.
32. Registered to "no party" since I can't fully commit myself to what the major parties believe in.
33. Liberal (it is Cali after all).
34. The daughter of two Libertarians. Until my Mom went Democrat in my teens (blame Bill).
35. Fatherless. He died of lymphoma when I was 19.

Some of my favorite foods are:
36. No-meat burritos. Repeat after me: beans (pinto), rice, cheese, sour cream, guacamole (a little hot sauce is good, too).
37. Nachos (like, the real deal, no Taco Bell stuff).
38. Carnitas burritos (a recent conversion; get this with black beans & lots of hot sauce).
39. Salt & Vinegar Potato chips.
40. Regular Potato Chips (another recent conversion, due to my elimination diet. It was like, the only "bad" food I could have).
41. Chocolate Mousse (a bonding point with Warrior -- our shared favorite dessert!).
42. Cereal (anything with granola clusters is always good).
43. Fried chicken tenders with...
44. French fries. Regular, curly, you name it, I like it.
45. Onion Rings.
46. Guacamole.
47. Avocado Rolls.
48. Chicken Terriyaki.
49. Pad Thai.
50. Any kind of curry dish -- red, green, yellow, don't matter.
51. Tom Ka Gai and Tom Ka Artichoke soups.
52. Broccoli.
53. Mangoes.
54. Papayas.
55. Cottage Cheese.
56. CHEESE! Roquefort, Brie, Cheddar, Jack, Manchego...mmmm. Damn elimination diet!
57. Chicken Satay w/ peanut sauce, mmm....
58. Peanut Butter (on toast, toasted bagels, sandwiches all w/ creamed honey, mmmm).
59. Chocolate.
60. Ice Cream.

I think I should stop the food category because:
61. I am a gourmand/foodie. I could go on and on about food.
62. Beautiful salads anyone? (a fruit, a nut and a cheese w/ balsamic vinaigrette, mmmm)(sorry I couldn't help myself).

Beverages I <3:>

63. Wine.
64. Margaritas.
65. Malibu & (usually diet) Coke.

66. MILK! Oh how I miss my milk. *sigh*

67. Milkshakes (malted or otherwise, CHOCOLATE 99% of the time).

68. WATER! Love it. Seriously.

69. My whole life (as long as I can remember), I've wanted to be a mom.

70. I was disappointed I didn't have a "regular" pregnancy (i.e., it ended too soon).

71. I have a hard time getting worked up for "causes," even when I have been directly affected by them -- lymphoma, prematurity, etc.
72. I can be extremely apathetic.

73. I have been called "crazy. But the good kind of crazy." (Thanks, k.) I took this as a compliment.

74. I have also been told by my mom and other friends that they've been "scared" of me.

75. Because you really don't want to piss me off.

76. I don't get pissed off often.

77. Annoyed, yes.

78. I forget easily annoyances by loved ones.

79. But I have an extremely good memory, which is a blessing and a curse.

80. Mom brain has stifled this memory excellence on occasion. I don't like my record being messed with.

81. I am usually the driver. It was 90% of the time before I got pregnant and then became a mom. See: Mom brain.

82. I am very good with directions and map reading. My sense of direction is quite remarkable.

83. We joke that I have a GPS in my brain. When I go someplace new, I am "uploading new maps" to my metal GPS.

84. Yes, I am dorky.

85. I don't "get" Burning Man and will probably never go.

86. I can be a bit uptight/prudish about certain things.

87. Warrior thought I was a "Santa Cruz hippie" when he first met me because I dressed up as one that first Halloween that we knew each other (before we were dating). Cracker.

88. I think being a "Cracker" can be a good thing, and if I'm calling you one, take it as a loving compliment.

89. I have never been to a screening of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I have no desire to go at this point in my life, either (See: #85 and #86).

90. Warrior says that I am the funniest woman he knows.

91. The Rice Cracker (Mojo) also thinks I have fabulous (comedic) timing. You have to know me in real life for the full effect. (I think? Maybe it comes through in my writing....)

92. My eyes change color. They are mostly blue on the outer rim and gold on the inside. When my pupils get big, they look green. They can also look gray or aqua.
93. My hair changes color. Not usually naturally. Heh.
94. I am five foot four and three quarters. But I'll say I'm five-five and call it even.
95. My driver license lies.
96. I was extremely depressed for many years of my life. I am happy now. And I work hard to stay that way. Motherhood and hormones makes this hard.
97. I like to "help" people to a fault. I will give you advice on something you are trying to buy, whether you are a friend, or a stranger in a store. This annoys Warrior to no end. He thinks I should butt out. This also extends to "helping" in personal and familial relationships. You can't help those that don't want to be helped. I've learned to curb that for the most part.
98. When I want to do or buy something, I research the heck out of it. I spent an INSANE amount of time researching strollers and cribs and the like.

99. I am slightly addicted to the Internet. But I'm getting better.
100. It took me over five hours to complete this (what with feeding the baby, getting him to bed, dealing with a fever -- now up to 103.6! JOY!, etc.). I can't believe I have finished!

If ANY of you made it through this, PLEASE let me know. I will be eternally grateful. I will also let you know how LM is doing tomorrow. We see the doc in the morning. My poor little boo!

(I guess this post could also be called: Profile of a Cracker: #2.)

Ring the Alarm

I was at my Mom's Group this morning when the Warrior called. Our burglar alarm was going off -- the hallway motion sensor had been tripped.

So I called JC to have a look since I was about fifteen minutes away (and she lives right across the street). She didn't notice anything weird.

I had put Sasha in our bedroom, with the door closed, when Little Man and I left the house. The motion sensor is outside of the bedroom. I had also left the door to the deck open, since it is a nice day, it is on the second floor (third if you count the garage), and there are no alarm sensors on the sliding doors.

The majority of burglaries in our neighborhood happen during the day. So I felt that it was a real possibility that someone had broken in.

I was imagining someone climbing up to the deck and getting in, only to be foiled once they left our bedroom and tripped the alarm. I worried about Sasha's safety. I worried about dealing with a house that had been broken into.

But at the same time, I thought, it's just stuff.

When I got home, I called the neighbor who works out of his home to come inspect. He brought a large sledgehammer and cleared the premises for me.

Everything was as it should be. But for some reason, I feel scared.

Feeding Little Man his lunch, I felt the emptiness of our home around me. It's just him and me here. Sasha is no help -- she would likely lick an intruder to death before she even barked. She's smart like that. Heh.

It's instances like this that make me realize that I'm the parent. I don't have my Mom or Dad to rely on when something scary happens. It's all on me. I need to react a certain way, maybe not so much now, but when Little Man is older, so that he feels secure and like I'm the parent.

What makes YOU the parent? Are there times that the parent in you has taken over automatically? Or have you had to turn the parent on to respond/act accordingly?

Just Not Feelin' It

Hey y'all,

I'm just not feelin' it lately. I've been off living "real" life and not checking in with my "virtual" life very often. I DO miss you though. But I can't seem to get up the motivation to keep up with all of my favorite blogs, and posting has, if you couldn't tell, been relegated mostly to pictures and such.

I know a lot of you aren't complaining about seeing more than reading. ;) But I like to try to provide some meat with my potatoes, if ya know what I'm sayin', and I just don't feel like I have it in me lately.

Is this why Sheri is taking a blogging break? Do you reach a saturation point and just have to take a little breather?

Maybe I'm just taking a mental break to gear up for NaBloPoMo. Yup, I signed up to post every day for thirty days. I'm hoping I can bring you some juicy, meaty posts come November.

My plans? Write about:

Pregnancy
Hospitalization
Prematurity
NICU stay

My Crackers
And of course, Little Man.

I'm taking requests! If you couldn't tell, I need a little bit of help to birth my blogging ideas.

Love to you all,

VDog

I Mean, For Reals, Y'all?

Are you Sick of Lawsuits? Here at Casa de Cracker, we sure are.

That's why we won't be suing over this:

(Also, you might not want to take a bath in your pajamas. Just sayin'.)

Just because I forgot to look at the back of this:



Thanks to the Parent Bloggers Network for letting me flex my common sense muscle.

Memerrific

The desktop meme. Share your desktop. Be embarrassed. Super exciting, right? Once again, I have been tagged by the wonderful Secret Agent Mama.

Let the shame begin:


See my widgets on the right -- a calendar page, an analog clock and a calculator? I don't really use them, except in extreme cases of mama brain and I need to know quickly what day it is. Or what 2+2 is. Heh.

Makes me think I should really clean this thing up. Is that what this meme is really for? Was it started by one of those super organized clean freaks? Trying to pressure us messies into cleaning up? Ain't gonna happen.

I tag whoever wants to do this one. If you want to do it courtesy of moi, leave me a comment and I will put your link up here:

Tattoos and Drool

Peace out.

My First Meme aka 5 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

Secret Agent Mama tagged me for my first meme. Thanks! This should be a fun one.

I'm supposed to tell you five "interesting" things about myself. We'll see about that....

1) I have two birthmarks. One above my belly button -- a dark spot in a "candle flame" or "brush stroke" formation. No, you can't see this one. I'd have to show off my post-partum pudding.
The second one is above my left ear, and I'm not entirely sure I was actually born with it, but I can't recall exactly when I got it, either. You can see it in some of the pictures on this blog. I'm not sayin' where, 'cause it's not entirely attractive. Heh.

2) My two second molars on the bottom are still baby teeth. The adult ones are congenitally missing. I hope to keep these babies as long as possible, 'cause when they're done...I don't even want to think about it. Ack!

3) I met one of my best friends (#4) on Craigslist. She was looking for a hiking buddy.

4) My toes are VERY long. They have been compared to baby fingers and #6 calls them "tingers."

5) I am the second of four children, but most people think I'm the oldest.

That wasn't so bad, now was it??

I tag Cathy, ImposterMom, Malissa, Lyssa, and NapWarden.

Have fun with this one, ladies!

So...

I've been working on sprucing up the place a bit in conjunction with super artiste #7 (my friend from the NICU, not to be confused with se7en, from Blogs Gone Wild (who I am in talks with for a layout redesign). #7 did this for me for FREE! 'cause she loves me! How cool is that?).

Whattaya think?

It's not totally done yet. I have to figure out how to center the banner and do a few other things, but it's a start!

My new friend Mom-Chatter was playing around with her colors and layout, and I got totally jealous. ;) A few other friends spruced up their pages, too, so you know, I've got to keep up!

I'm getting over a fever and general crappiness, so the posting schedule will probably be a bit lazy for a day or two. :)

Um...

"How could you not smell that stench?"

"Oh really? I thought something was a little odd...you know my sense of smell is really bad."

Little Man woke up screaming at 1:30 this morning, then promptly went back to sleep. Warrior went to check on him, and somehow missed the overwhelming smell of pruney poop. Since Little Man realized he was being checked on, he decided to wake up for a little party.

I went in there, smelled the stink before I even got to his door, and did what mamas do -- changed his diaper, fed him, and put him back to bed. Oh, Little Man...always a surprise with you!