Round the Bend and Back Again

I'm sorry my friends
Been really busy lately
Love that you email

Stop by my Buzz page
Wondering where did she go?
Crazy but good week

Huge sigh of relief
A let down of emotion
I cried tears of joy

My baby is fine,
According to the doctors.
Holter was normal

His poo was blood-free
New GI doc was a dream
Said blood was minor

In her opinion
The least worrisome symptom
Of an allergy

Really? Blood in poop?
WTF? How can that be?
With that one symptom

She said, I don't have
Moms change their diet at all
Wait just a second

I thought, is this real?
Are you fucking kidding me?
My diet for naught?

Nine months without milk?
Five of those without citrus,
Wheat and much much more?

It was hell on me
Worth it for my Little Man
Or so I had thought!

He won't take any
Mom substitute, starting at
Three months. Boobs only

And all of the time
Guess you can't beat skin to skin
For my Little Man

It's been such a ride
So many worries and tests
This first year of life

I hope this next one
Is a wee less exciting
For my sanity

-----

Insomnia sucks
Blog posts running through my head
Why do I lay there

When I could get up
And blog till my heart's content?
Guess I hold out hope

That sleep will come soon
I fear the 4:30 feed
So I stay in bed

-----

So, yes, I've been really busy -- Mom's group outings, doctor appointments, my sister's birthday -- but also really preoccupied. It's been such a relief to finally have a "normal" baby (I know this is such a subjective thing, but from the get-go, things haven't gone "normally" or the way that they are "supposed to"). It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I am grieving for this last year+ of worry and doctors, and hospitals, and being strong.

Of course, I am very happy, but it is mostly a feeling of relief. Like a giant weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel like I don't have to hold my breath anymore. It's still processing in my brain and I almost can't believe what has happened these last two weeks.

First, the pediatrician said he was doing great. Then the cardiologist says everything looks great; "normal." The holter study came back normal. So now if I notice that LM has a fast heart rate, we'll just take him to the Children's Hospital ER, but this is unlikely to happen. No more monitoring, no more special heart doctor.

Then we go to the GI doctor this week and it's a whole different experience from the last few times.

First, a little background: we had a male doctor who had been really harsh with me at times, who had been insistent on my extremely strict diet, and when that didn't work quickly enough, he seriously wanted my to force my son to drink (completely disgusting) hypo-allergenic formula.

So the last time we saw him, things went well. Dr. H was very blase about the whole situation. I thought it was odd, but was glad that he was more positive. So I went to check out and make the follow up appointment for two months from then (late Sept.). I was told that they "didn't have his schedule yet," and to call back in a week. I called back the satellite office where we had been seeing Dr. H. They said, "he doesn't work out of this office anymore. Let me transfer you to the Main Campus."

Okay...no problem. Right?? So they transfer me and then the person at the Main Campus says that he doesn't work in that office anymore! WTF?? So I had to make an appointment with a new doctor, and since LM wasn't one of "their" patients, we had to wait until this week to see someone.

Okay, this week. We go to the new GI doctor. She is wonderful. The nurse is wonderful. They both oooh and aahhh over Little Man, who is being completely charming, despite only having had a short nap in the car on the way there.

We go over the history. They evaluate him. He gets high scores from the nurse and doctor. We get told to HAVE SOME DAIRY ALREADY!!!

So I'm trying fluid milk this week, and if Little Man has no reaction, we can try some for him. Yippee!! I honestly CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. IT.

I am also a bit annoyed that two doctors had such differing opinions on the course of action that would have been appropriate. The new GI doc said that the only worry with the blood in the stools is if they become anemic. And then she would have just prescribed an iron supplement.

I know it's all a moot point now, but I can't help but feel a bit frustrated that all of my hard work and struggle was perhaps not necessary. I'm sure I'll get over it. Ay caramba.

Oh yeah! And we're off the heart medicine and the acid reflux medicine for good it seems. I really just can't get over how lucky we are. I know it's been a hard year, but I DO feel very lucky that Little Man's "problems" have (hopefully) only lasted a year. I know that we will most certainly face other hardships and tests in the future, but right now I'm exhaling, and I don't plan on holding my breath for anything else (especially unknowns).

Okay, I know I don't usually swear (save for ass and crap and stuff I don't really think is "that bad") but hey, the 'ku needed it, and it's what I thought and said to Warrior when I relayed how the visit went. Hopefully my family won't hold it against me!

In bloggy news, I REALLY want to be back "in it" if ya know what I'm saying, but I haven't been getting much screen time with the compy, so forgive me if I'm being a "bad blog friend." I need to start "blogging without guilt." Heheh.

Have a great weekend, everybody, and I CAN promise some Weekly Winners on Sunday -- I took some good ones on our adventures out and about!

All Worked Up

This is what I wrote yesterday on my Cre8Buzz blog:

We are off to the GI doctor where he can tell me how horrible of a mother I am for not feeding my son enough (seriously). I'm afraid he hasn't gained enough weight for the doc to give me a good review.

I am beginning to HATE this doctor. I feed Little Man WAY more often than any of my friends. I can't force him to eat more. He will just bite my nipple. Grr.

He also eats 4oz three times a day of solids, pretty good, no? Can't force him to eat more in this regard either.

To learn why we are going to the GI, go to my blog and hit the label, "elimination diet."

This concludes my rant. Thanks for listening. Suggestions and empathy welcome.

-VDog

I was much relieved when our visit went way more smoothly than I was anticipating. I had worked myself up into a nice frothy frenzy, only to defend myself haphazardly to an unimpressed audience. I felt like a tool crazy person.The nurse practitioner that works in conjunction with the Doctor even said, "you're doing a great job." The Doctor, not so much. I think he knows I'm not fond of him, and he thinks I'm some crazy hippie nut job. Which maybe I am. But seriously....

Doctor H. did NOT win any points with me on a previous visit by saying, "I know you don't like medications." I had NEVER said anything like that to him, so I was very surprised to hear that statement. He motored along with his spiel before I could defend myself, and our relationship has been downhill ever since.

What I didn't like, and where he probably got the idea that I was super-crunchy granola girl, was the 57% CORN SYRUP hypo-allergenic formula he was peddling to me as THE answer to the Little Man's problems. Little Man wouldn't take it, of course, so our only course of action was to try to continue my elimination diet and the breastfeeding and hope for the best. Luckily, it worked.

I was worried that Doctor H. would get all up in my grill about Munchie's weight gain because he had previously done so. Munchie came off his Zantac (for acid reflux) at six months because a lot of babies will outgrow their GERD at that point.

Not Munchie. Off the medicine, he proceeded to spew forth meal upon meal, and coupled with his increasing activity level (the boy won't stop!) and the fact that we were waiting to get the okay to start solids from Doctor H., Munchie barely gained any weight. So when we saw Doctor H. at six and a half months, Doctor H. assumed I wasn't feeding Munchie, and was really negative and condescending towards me. It was AWFUL.

So, the point of this story is to say, "Wow! I made it through the appointment without crying or getting all aggro on the Doctor! Woohoo!"

And the really good news:

We don't have to go back to see Doctor H. for two months! (He had been making us come every month.)

I get to add back SOY!! WooFREAKIN'hoo! Doctor H. even said we needed to be more aggresive with what we are adding back to my diet. I was assuming we would add soy back second to last, right before dairy.

And best of all:

My baby knows how to tear apart an exam table in 2.3 seconds flat!

Eliminate this!

So I got the OK from the pediatrician and the GI doctor's office (the GI doc was on vacation) to add wheat back to my diet. WHEAT. Hmm. You know what my first indulgence was? Organic Raisin Bran. Not exactly the the yummy goodness of fresh bread I was hoping for, but, hey. I had to make do with what was in the house.

I went out and bought a loaf of bread and I'm looking forward to having some toast later. Of course, I can't put any bitter, uh, I mean BUTTER (heh) or margarine on it, but plain jam or honey on my forbidden bread should do nicely. I'm also looking forward to some (semolina, non-egg) pasta and couscous!! It's ridiculous how excited I'm getting about this.

What are your favorite wheat items? What should I totally binge on?

And of course, send Little Man and I good thoughts (or vibes or whatever you like to send) for his continuing health.

My Resolve Is Weakening

On April 7, 2007, Little Man's diaper was full of little bloody globules in his stool. Just four days prior, we had seen the pediatrician for his three month check-up, and the doctor had proclaimed his stool "perfect." What happened in such a short amount of time?

Seeing blood in your baby's diaper definitely freaks a mom (and dad) out. The doctor prescribed an elimination diet and a wait and see attitude, since Little Man was not exhibiting any other symptoms. In fact, he seemed perfectly healthy and happy.

The elimination diet I have now been on for four and a half months is wearing thin, to say the least. Of course, I am overjoyed that the Little Man is now symptom free, and has been for almost a month, but my taste buds are getting itchy. I'd really like some bread. Or cheese. Or nuts. Or actual noodles instead of rice or corn noodles.

At first I just had to give up dairy and eggs. Then dairy and eggs and soy and citrus and strawberries and tomatoes and chocolate (CHOCOLATE!! NOOOOOOO!!!!). Then I talked to the doctor again and she said, "OH, I forgot to tell you about nuts. You need to cut out nuts. Sorry!" This was all in the span of a week, just after Easter.

Five weeks into this brutality, with no improvement of symptoms, I was told to cut out wheat. I was now living the life of a gluten-free semi-vegan, and it sucked. It still sucks. But it doesn't suck as bad as Kristen's elimination diet did.

But there is hope for me -- today marks Little Man's one month free of symptoms. Our pediatrician said that I could add back a food after one month of no blood, since Little Man was symptomatic for so long. (Ok, for the last month I have cheated on the citrus and to a lesser extent, the tomatoes, but the GI doc said that was fine, and Munchie is still symptom free.) I really want more variety, but at the same time I am scared Little Man's symptoms will return. And I really don't want them to return.

I have put calls in to the pediatrician and the GI Doc's office to confirm my allowance. I don't want to have any backsliding. But part of me wonders, "what if it really is just the milk? Have I not been eating all these other things in vain?" At the same time, what if it's not the milk? The uncertainty is extremely frustrating. And the only way to get the answer is to risk seeing red again. Ugh.

This has definitely tested my willpower, but not as much as I had initially thought. To give something up for my own better health or weight loss is MUCH harder than giving up a lot of things for the benefit of my son's health. It is only recently that I have had cravings for the forbidden foods.

The diet was hard at first, because I did not know how to eat properly without all of those foods in my diet, especially dairy and wheat (and soy is now in EVERYTHING!! I swear!). I was constantly hungry, and had a headache the entire first week.

Now I don't feel any different than before -- I just eat differently. People ask me all the time if I feel GREAT! now that I've cut out dairy. But I don't. I feel exactly the same. Only I REALLY miss dairy. ;)

I will let you know how things pan out. Here's to hoping I can add a food, and that Little Man stays symptom free!