I still catch myself wanting to say that, 'but he was two months early,' twenty-one months later. Is it an excuse? A reason? A justification? Do I feel the need to defend my son to others? (Or is that really just defending myself??)
Are they thinking that he's behind, or slow in some way? It still stings a little, this whole preemie thing. I almost never acknowledge Little Man's prematurity anymore. But the feeling and knee-jerk reaction to do so is still there, ever present in my mind when the possibility of comparison comes up.
This is still hurting me. But it's not hurting my son.
*****
If you couldn't tell, VDog has been living too much in her head, and not enough on paper. Or blog. Whatever.
I know this is just a tiny tidbit, but it's all I've got for right now.
*****
Many, many heartfelt thanks to Miss for blogsitting for me. She rawks, and you should all go tell her so. :D
10.07.2008
...But He Was Two Months Early
7.28.2008
My Child, He Breaks My Heart
Heartbreak is knowing your child will be born prematurely, cutting short your time for hoping and dreaming about your baby.
Heartbreak is accepting the fact that your child will be a preemie and that there is nothing you can do to change that fact.
Heartbreak is letting go of all your hopes and excitement for your baby and instead, replacing them with worry and grief.
Heartbreak is seeing your precious baby covered in wires and IV's at only a few hours old.
Heartbreak is watching your child struggle to breathe -- really struggle -- with his chest fitfully expanding and then collapsing.
Heartbreak is having your five month old child confused for a two month old.
You know how I squash that heartbreak? With moments like this:
Not to cheapen my post or anything...(heh)
*This is part of the http://www.bloggygiveaways.com week long celebration!*
The fabric looks like this, a really pretty neutral:
6.28.2008
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
This has been a long time coming and I apologize for my complete and total lack of timely gratitude.
What seems like forever ago I told you about our March Of Dimes Walk for Babies. I put up a button in the sidebar and even got some of my friends to do the same.
These wonderful ladies donated their hard earned money to our team:
ImpostorMom (The first to donate to our team! w00t! Before our families even!)
LVGurl
Anglophile Football Fanatic
(Did I miss anyone? Please let me know and I'll add you to the list.)
A wonderful woman named Shonda gave $280 to our team and we have *no* idea who she is. So thank you Shonda.
And thank you to all of you who gave money and supported our team by publicizing our team and cause.
It is still my hope that one day all babies can come home from the hospital, healthy, with their mamas. Until that day, we walk, and we support the March of Dimes.
By the way, the walk went very well. Our friends got to speak before the walk about their 27-week miracle, Aidan. Once on stage, Aidan ("The Big Guy") saw the Little Man in the crowd and they both started squealing, and Aidan waved at the Little Man! It was so cute!
2.13.2008
March for Babies 2008
You may remember way back in November that I told you how prematurity was no joke. Well, here's your chance to help do something about it:
We are joining Team BigGuy (aka Team Aidan), to March for Babies. We are all hoping to raise money for the March of Dimes's fight against prematurity.
Here's what Cracker #7, Karen, has to say:
Yes, it’s that time of year again and Team Aidan is back! I can’t believe it’s been a year already. This year, Aidan is the Bay Area 2008 Ambassador and Bryan and I will be probably speaking at this year’s walk.
For those of you who want to participate, you can go to our team page and sign up to be part of our team, donate or do both. There’s also a link to my personal page on the homepage. I’m very excited for the walk this year, as we are the Bay Area Ambassador Family, and I’m hoping to vamp it up a bit and surpass last year’s donations of $6,500. I’m hoping we can do it because we’re starting much sooner this year. If you have any ideas about some good fund raising activities, please share. You’ve all been so generous already and I want you to know that we appreciate it greatly.
We can’t imagine life without our big guy and without the research and commitment of the March of Dimes, he might not be with us today. Can you imagine that? Weird, right? It really is a great organization and is committed to stomping out prematurity and birth defects. Every baby deserves a healthy start, and if we can prevent even one family from having to go through what we did, our efforts are worth it.
If you can even do five or ten dollars, that would be wonderful. And of course, your donation is tax deductible. :)
If you don't have a team of your own and would feel comfortable doing so, would you put up a banner in your sidebar for us (like the one I've got to the right)? Leave me a comment and I will send you the html.
Thanks so much everyone!
1.22.2008
This Is What A Preemie Looks Like - 5 Weeks Old
I shall now commence vlogging until further notice.
This is of my tiny Little Man at five weeks old. He would fall asleep before eating enough, pretty much all of the time. It was a tough period for all of us. He had been home only a week when Warrior took this video.
1.09.2008
Little Man's Story, Part Two
I had spent the last week taking care of Sasha and relaxing at home (since I was already on maternity leave).
I celebrated my 27th Birthday with my family and #4 on Sunday, December 17th, 2006. I cooked for everyone and accepted little help, much to my Mom's dismay.
I spent a lazy Monday hanging out with Sasha and having a visit from #4 while awaiting my "real" (on the actual day) Birthday celebration with the Warrior that night. I remember it vividly.
We ordered red chicken curry, basil chicken, chicken pad thai (can you tell I like chicken?), and steamed rice. We were shoe horned into a small table, right in front of the register. Not exactly the mood and ambiance I had wanted for my last baby-free Birthday dinner. We had no idea the restaurant would be so jam packed on a Monday one week before Christmas.
Warrior and I were both so excited. I had spent the week ordering the bassinet, crib, stroller and accoutrements. We held hands across the table and talked about the impending change to our universe. We talked about our first daughter, Sasha, and her sad, sad state. But most of all we talked about Little Bunny, as he was known then.
I had just become noticeably pregnant -- my belly button hadn't even popped -- as I spent the majority of my pregnancy looking
This is as big as I got. I am proud of my Belly.
My Belly started shrinking the next day :(
We realized that this was my last Birthday with just the two of us as our little "family." We knew I would be a 27 year old Mama, but we didn't know that Warrior would be a 33 year old Papa. We thought we would have one more just-the-couple Birthday to celebrate, Warrior's 34th, three weeks before our due date.
We went to bed with dreams of Little Bunny and parenthood racing through our heads.
The next morning, Tuesday, December 19th, was uneventful. I went downstairs and brought my cereal back up to our room to be with Sasha (we were taking our meals and living completely upstairs due to her surgery). I surfed the Internet from the La-Z-Boy and enjoyed the sun streaming in through the sliding glass doors.
As I prepared for my nap (I was constantly tired throughout my pregnancy, and napped often -- the luxuries of a first pregnancy!) I noticed a clear discharge that was "different." I thought about it for about a minute, since I had just read in one of those helpful books that you need to watch out for something of that nature, as it could one of the first signs that your water has broken, or you have a leak. I thought, "hmm, that's weird," and then went to sleep.
When I woke up about an hour and a half later, my thighs were wet. Not soaked, but wet. There were also a few small wet spots on the pillowcase of the pillow I was using between my knees. I thought, "either I've peed myself, or my water has broken." I went to the toilet and felt a trickle. I was pretty sure I hadn't peed myself.
So I called the doctor's office, and said, "Hi, this is VDog (not really), I'm at 30 weeks, and I think that my water has broken. I woke up from my nap and my thighs were wet blah blah blah, I could have just peed myself, but I'm pretty sure that my water has broken."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."
"Ok, the doctor is on-call at the hospital right now; I'll have her give you a call."
The doctor literally called me back within three minutes. She has always been prompt at returning my calls, but I knew this meant it was SERIOUS.
"Doctor Amy" (she actually says, "this is Amy"; I LOVE that) has a very soothing, calming voice, and it was very reassuring for me to hear her voice. Although what she had to say was not reassuring -- after I told her what had been going on, she said, "Well, it definitely has to be checked out, and the best place to do that is here in Labor & Delivery."
This concludes Part Two. Stay tuned for Part Three where I FREAK OUT!!! and get hospitalized.
I promise to not let so much time lapse between "episodes" Two and Three!
12.11.2007
Le Sigh
I just had a trying dinner with the Little Man, to say the least. He wouldn't eat anything I put in front of him. Not even Cheerios. It was that damn bad.
I managed to get some baby food down him, and his reflux medicine.
By the end of the meal, both my shirt and pants were wet.
He refused to take his nap this afternoon, which no doubt was the reason for him being Fussy McFusserson tonight. But the rest of the day had been nice. What happened? Ugh.
++++++++
Little Man has managed to chip his left front tooth after he had it for only about two weeks. This says to me that I am in serious trouble for the future. I have no idea how he did it. I can only "look forward" to more of his craziness as he gets older.
+++++++
Today at Gymboree I got the dreaded dropped octave "Oh." You know the one? Where the person you are talking to lowers their voice and gives you that, "OH" (while they think to themselves, "how awful, OMG, what do I say now?").
We are trying out the "Level 3" classes since that is the age range Little Man is supposed to be in now -- 10 to 16 months -- and the minimum requirement skills-wise is that they be able to crawl. These classes are a whole different beast than the mellow, barely moving and shaking Level 2 classes for the 6 to 10 month olds.
I've noticed that Little Man is by far the least advanced and the shrimpiest out of the kids (but to be fair, there are SIXTEEN MONTH OLDS (!!!) there).
One boy I saw looked somewhat in the same range as Little Man, size-wise, so I asked how old "Jack" was. The mom said, "one next week."
She asked me about Little Man and I said that he'll be one three weeks from today, on New Year's Day.
"Oh, wow! When did you go in the hospital? When did you know?" she asked.
"Actually I went into the hospital with pre-term labor on December 19th at 30 weeks, and he was born at 32 weeks," I replied.
"Oh."
"Well he seems to be fine now!"
"Yeah, he's doing great," I shrank, absorbing the "Oh" of pity.
I haven't gotten that "oh" in a long time. Since Little Man has grown so tall, I've stopped getting the OMFG, WHY is your baby SO SMALL?!?!?!
Once, when he was five months old, a woman asked if he was two months old. That one really hurt.
It's so hard when I feel like people think that there's something "wrong" with my baby.
I can't believe the number of people who asked me in the last month if Little Man is walking yet. I mean, how many full-term ten month old boys do you know that are walking?? I don't know any. Grr....
+++++++
I'm feeling sensitive and a bit raw today.
*Le Sigh.*
11.27.2007
New Jams, New Toys
Today at lunch someone even called him a toddler!
My baby is growing up, WAHHH!!!!
11.22.2007
Thankful, Turkey Day Edition
This year, I am thankful for my life.
I am thankful certain things, like Little Man's birth, went better than they could have gone.
I am thankful my baby made it thirty-two weeks, one day, two hours and twelve minutes in the womb, and not any less.
I am thankful my baby got the care he needed for twenty eight days, and not any more (or less!).
I am SO thankful for our health insurance coverage.
I am thankful I was able to provide my own milk for my baby while he received his care.
I am thankful my baby and I were able to breastfeed after his special start. Not all babies are so lucky.
I am thankful my baby prefers to take his milk from me, and that he is able to do so.
I am thankful that my baby is now a healthy and happy Little Man.
I am thankful to be surrounded by family today.
11.12.2007
Prematurity. It's No Joke.
This article made me cry big, globby tears yesterday. It is truly shocking and sad that in our rich, developed nation we have a major metropolitan area such as Memphis with an infant death rate of 15 per 1,000 births.
The majority of these deaths are due to prematurity and low birth weight.
This paragraph, at the beginning of the article, really hit home for me:
It takes a while for something much sadder to occur to you: In a room full of newborns, dozens of them, there is no crying. The sound of beeping heart monitors, the rustle and murmur of observing doctors, but no crying.
“They’re too small and too sick to cry,” explains a passing nurse.
When Little Man was in the NICU, he rarely ever cried. One nurse called him a "really mellow fellow."
Preemies just don't have the energy to cry. They need to save everything they've got to help build their bodies stronger, repair any damage that was caused by coming out of the oven under cooked, and gain weight.
We weren't convinced that our son was just super mellow. We had heard from friends with preemie twins to enjoy the pre-40 weeks stage, since all they do is sleep. Once the preemies hit full term (their due date), all bets are off.
That was the case with our Little Man. Once we hit the end of February, it was all sirens blazing. Hungry? Tired? Wet diaper? How about we SCREAM to get our needs met? Sounds good, right?
It was still shocking to see such an immediate change in our son. We knew it was possible that he would become "more alive" but seeing is believing. It was great to know that he was getting stronger, and bigger by the day.
When Little Man left the hospital at four weeks old (just past 36 weeks adjusted age), he weighed six pounds six ounces. The next day at the pediatrician, after his first full day of on-demand feeding, he had gained three ounces. He would continue to gain over an ounce a day throughout his fourth month, despite having acid reflux.
You can imagine that there was a lot of nursing and a lot of spitting up going on.
Articles like this one make me feel so lucky that we came out of our premature birth and NICU stay relatively unscathed. It is a reminder of how much still needs to be done to ensure every baby gets a fighting chance at life.
I wish that no other families would have to learn to ignore the constant beeps of heart and oxygen monitors. I wish that more babies could go home from the hospital with their parents. I wish more babies would be born healthy, and sometime after 37 weeks.
Until my wishes can become reality, please support the March of Dimes continue their fight against prematurity.
November is March of Dimes Prematurity Awareness Month.
Congratulations to Crackers #6, 7 & 8, our NICU roommates, for becoming one of the March of Dimes's Ambassador Families for 2008. #8 (the Big Guy) was born at 27 weeks gestation. He is truly an amazing baby, with truly amazing and wonderful parents.
11.06.2007
From a Long Line of Bad Tubes
Eustachian tubes, that is.
We've got our first ear infection, people. At least the fever and crankiness are for a reason! Unfortunately, I'm almost certain that this will be the first in a long line of ear infections.
You see, both Warrior and I were complete sickies as kids, and still get sick probably more often than other adults. It's all thanks to the faulty tubes.
When I told Warrior that it was the beginning of an ear infection (consistent with a high fever and ear pulling, and his ears didn't look "normal"), he said, "I got ear infections ALL the time as a kid!" Huh. I knew about the asthma, bronchitis, and pneumonia, but NOT the ear infections.
As a kid, I would have pretty much any one of the three major tube infections at least once a year: ear, sinus and tonsil. I also had bronchitis about once a year.
I don't think there was a year of school where I DIDN'T miss at least a whole week and several sporadic days due to illness. It's no wonder I earned the nickname, "Sicky Vicky." (Btw, don't EVER call me Vicky, k? Thanks. (Another story for another day.))
Then there was the month in seventh grade that I was out with pneumonia. Guess what? So was Warrior! We have so much in common! Both of our Moms took us to warmer climates to dry us out, like we were old people needing environment therapy.
The next year, I was out for over six weeks with Mono. And I didn't even have a boyfriend! At least I could have gotten it some fun way! But Nooooo, I got it SHARING A CAN OF SODA. I am THAT lame exciting. HA!
Growing up by the beach, I was in the water a lot. Which meant I got a lot of ear infections. I got so paranoid about water in my ears causing an infection that I became, and am still to this day, obsessed with using Q-tips to dry out the insides of my ears (which you're totally not supposed to do, but, hey, works for me!). I also try to avoid getting my ears wet, which is hard when you're trying to SWIM and generally ENJOY THE WATER.
My latest ear infection was four years ago, well into my twenties. The doctor said, "you're not supposed to get these past age three!" Yeah, thanks. I'll let my Eustachian tubes know that. I'll put 'em on probation or something.
It was such a bad ear infection that it required TWO rounds of antibiotics -- including one of the Anthrax drug, Cipro -- and a ten day course of prednisone (steroids) to clear it up. And even after the 'roids, my tube didn't ever open completely back up.
So I am left with a left ear that doesn't hear as well as the right. Because of an ear infection. Fabulous. (Diminished hearing is only one reason why I am already eighty-three years old. Tendonitis and arthritis are two others. Also another story for another time.)
In sum, I've been waiting for this day to come. I have actually been quite (pleasantly) surprised at how healthy Little Man has been. Of course, I did keep him in near total seclusion for the first six months of his life (due to doctor's orders -- prematurity and all), so that probably helped immensely.
I will have to be prepared for many more of these ear and other infections, and doctor's visits like this morning, marked by screaming and crying and heartbreaking sadness. My poor little Boo.
Little Man still has a fever, but the doctor said he should feel MUCH better in a few days. Since he's sleeping A LOT, I got to blog early today! At least something good came of it. Heh.
11.05.2007
Truly Fascinating Subject Matter
My 100th post! I guess I'm "supposed" to do the great "100 things about me" post...let's see how far I can get. I'm also guessing that these "things" are supposed to be interesting...we'll see about that. HA!
1. I started dating the Warrior when I was a wee eighteen years old.
2. I got engaged to the Warrior at twenty-two years old, the fall after I graduated from University.
3. I got married to the Warrior more than six years after we started dating. I was twenty-four.
4. I met the Warrior through my friend, and his roommate, LouDog.
5. I am six, nearly seven, years younger than the Warrior.
6. I got butterflies when I met the Warrior. I thought he was cute, in a nerdy, glasses-wearing kind of way.
7. I had to convince Warrior to date me, because I was "too young" for him.
8. I said, "I love you" first. It just came out. He later told me that he could have said it after two weeks (TWO WEEKS, people!! I'm that damn good.) and it would have been true.
9. I'm still a bit peeved that he kept me waiting if he meant it earlier.
Speaking of peeves (back to Warrior later, I'm sure), I hate:
10. The expression, "pet peeves."
11. The word, "panties." They should ALL be underwear. It's like, "ooooh, PAN-ties." I think it's a sexist term, and it just makes me want to ralph.
12. When businesses don't have a website. I need to do research, people!
13. The expression, "teacher's pet." Hated it since grade school.
14. Internet Explorer (most of the time)(firefox RULZ).
15. Vista (blows my bloomin' arse).
16. Doing the dishes.
17. Folding laundry.
18. When my baby has a fever (right now it's 102.7 F). :(
19. How short the days are now (darn time change!).
20. Being late. Sadly, it is an all too common occurrence now that I am a mom.
21. Writing Thank You notes. I still have about 10 million to write for gifts from Little Man's birth. Ten months ago. Um, yeah. I have a serious problem. Sorry to all of my dear friends and family who have not received a note yet. Your gifts are truly appreciated. Truly.
22. The anxiety I feel when I think about un-written Thank You notes. (So why don't I just write them already??)
If you couldn't tell, I am:
23. A MAJOR procrastinator. If it can be done tomorrow, why not do it tomorrow?
24. Generally fairly messy. But clean. If that makes sense.
25. NOT a perfectionist. I got over that a looong time ago. I strive for a B+. And when that fails, a C will do.
26. Truthful to a fault at times.
27. A Sagittarius (see #26).
I am also:
28. Born in the year of the Goat (Sheep?? Something like that).
29. The second of four kids.
30. One of three sisters.
31. A voter.
32. Registered to "no party" since I can't fully commit myself to what the major parties believe in.
33. Liberal (it is Cali after all).
34. The daughter of two Libertarians. Until my Mom went Democrat in my teens (blame Bill).
35. Fatherless. He died of lymphoma when I was 19.
Some of my favorite foods are:
36. No-meat burritos. Repeat after me: beans (pinto), rice, cheese, sour cream, guacamole (a little hot sauce is good, too).
37. Nachos (like, the real deal, no Taco Bell stuff).
38. Carnitas burritos (a recent conversion; get this with black beans & lots of hot sauce).
39. Salt & Vinegar Potato chips.
40. Regular Potato Chips (another recent conversion, due to my elimination diet. It was like, the only "bad" food I could have).
41. Chocolate Mousse (a bonding point with Warrior -- our shared favorite dessert!).
42. Cereal (anything with granola clusters is always good).
43. Fried chicken tenders with...
44. French fries. Regular, curly, you name it, I like it.
45. Onion Rings.
46. Guacamole.
47. Avocado Rolls.
48. Chicken Terriyaki.
49. Pad Thai.
50. Any kind of curry dish -- red, green, yellow, don't matter.
51. Tom Ka Gai and Tom Ka Artichoke soups.
52. Broccoli.
53. Mangoes.
54. Papayas.
55. Cottage Cheese.
56. CHEESE! Roquefort, Brie, Cheddar, Jack, Manchego...mmmm. Damn elimination diet!
57. Chicken Satay w/ peanut sauce, mmm....
58. Peanut Butter (on toast, toasted bagels, sandwiches all w/ creamed honey, mmmm).
59. Chocolate.
60. Ice Cream.
I think I should stop the food category because:
61. I am a gourmand/foodie. I could go on and on about food.
62. Beautiful salads anyone? (a fruit, a nut and a cheese w/ balsamic vinaigrette, mmmm)(sorry I couldn't help myself).
63. Wine.
64. Margaritas.
65. Malibu & (usually diet) Coke.
72. I can be extremely apathetic.
85. I don't "get" Burning Man and will probably never go.
87. Warrior thought I was a "Santa Cruz hippie" when he first met me because I dressed up as one that first Halloween that we knew each other (before we were dating). Cracker.
89. I have never been to a screening of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I have no desire to go at this point in my life, either (See: #85 and #86).
93. My hair changes color. Not usually naturally. Heh.
94. I am five foot four and three quarters. But I'll say I'm five-five and call it even.
95. My driver license lies.
96. I was extremely depressed for many years of my life. I am happy now. And I work hard to stay that way. Motherhood and hormones makes this hard.
97. I like to "help" people to a fault. I will give you advice on something you are trying to buy, whether you are a friend, or a stranger in a store. This annoys Warrior to no end. He thinks I should butt out. This also extends to "helping" in personal and familial relationships. You can't help those that don't want to be helped. I've learned to curb that for the most part.
98. When I want to do or buy something, I research the heck out of it. I spent an INSANE amount of time researching strollers and cribs and the like.
99. I am slightly addicted to the Internet. But I'm getting better.
100. It took me over five hours to complete this (what with feeding the baby, getting him to bed, dealing with a fever -- now up to 103.6! JOY!, etc.). I can't believe I have finished!
If ANY of you made it through this, PLEASE let me know. I will be eternally grateful. I will also let you know how LM is doing tomorrow. We see the doc in the morning. My poor little boo!
(I guess this post could also be called: Profile of a Cracker: #2.)
11.03.2007
Ten Months In
Dear Little Man,
Just two days ago you turned ten months old. I can't believe how quickly you have grown, and how quickly our time together as Mama and (infant) baby has gone by. It seems like just yesterday that you looked like this:
Little Man, almost four weeks, still in the NICU(Both pics)
In the last few weeks, you have blossomed into a little boy right before my eyes! You have had an explosion of progress in your finger food eating and language abilities.Last month, I was afraid to give you Cheerios. Now you eat black beans and kernels of corn whole. You eat chopped up chicken burger and tofu. Even well steamed carrots are not off limits. Your pincer grasp is becoming more refined by the day. (I know last month I said that you HATED corn and tofu, but apparently I was just giving you the wrong kind -- pureed corn and silken tofu? Blech. Whole corn and baked Terriyaki tofu? A-okay!)
In the beginning of the month, you would put one piece of food at a time in your mouth. Now you are practicing the chipmunk look and storing food in your cheeks to chew later. This is mostly because your motor skills have improved enough for you to get copious amounts of food to your mouth at once rather than scant amounts.
In just the last week, your language capabilities have begun to catch up to the BigGuy's. I think you got jealous of him saying, "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" over and over again. You had to do something to keep up. So now you are saying, "Da da da da, DA!" It's the most wonderful thing for your father to hear. I love it too. I know you'll get Mama soon.
In the morning, instead of just crying out for us to come get you, you practice your babbling and shrieks of delight for a solid ten minutes -- or more! -- if we let you.
Another funny thing you have been doing is at meal time. While you are in your highchair, you will start to lean back and lift your chin to the sky, with an exaggerated smile. You seem to be doing this purely for our benefit. It's almost as if you want to prove what a silly little monkey you are to us. You get this squinty eyed grin going, coupled with a look of self-satisfaction that is absolutely priceless. We can't help but laugh at you.
You are also learning what it means to drop things from your highchair. You have two reasons to drop things right now: 1) for the effect of the drop -- hearing the thud and watching mommy (hopefully) pick up and return what you dropped, and 2) to feed Sasha.
You seem genuinely pleased when you feed Sasha. Sasha now loves chopped up tofu and whole kernels of corn, too. The black beans? Not so much. Unfortunately, I have to clean those up.
We've also been on project fatten up around here. I am feeding you an egg yolk custard once a day, and also stir coconut milk into your oatmeal in the morning. Your egg yolk custards consist of one egg yolk and two tablespoons of either coconut milk or chicken stock, cooked over low heat until, well, custardy. (Ok, sometimes I cheat and do it in the microwave, but it's not nearly as smooth that way. The upside, though, is that it only takes a minute!) (You are enjoying the chicken stock ones best most recently.)
You are DEFINITELY getting heavier. The strange thing is that only your stomach and cheeks are getting bigger. You have quite the physique now. Daddy and I joke that you are "just the perfect specimen of manhood." And then we laugh at you. Sorry, buddy. But you are INCREDIBLY cute. And SOOOO skinny in your arms and especially your legs. (See picture #4 above.)
Last month, we were ready (Daddy for the most part) to say that you were sitting up. Now you can sit for up to ten minutes at a time! You have really developed your ability to sit and appreciate things, or patience, or whatever you want to call it. You seem to be able to sit and survey the situation, rather than just dive right into it, in an effort to plan out your next best move.
Previously, you would just go for it. Screw what the next best move was -- you wanted THAT toy RIGHT THERE and you wanted it NOW! Now you think, "mmm, MAYBE that toy, but MAYBE this toy. Let me see. Oh look! There's the tractor! Let's get that! No, wait! SASHA!! Yes, let's get Sasha! That'll be fun!"
Speaking of the CrackerDog, you and her have gotten even closer in the last month. She loves seeing you and wants to give you kisses. You love seeing her -- you get a HUGE smile on your face and kick your legs -- and want to explore her.
Unfortunately, your trust in Sasha has extended to ALL dogs, and while I love that you're not AFRAID of dogs, I wish you would be more cautious. Most dogs don't respond to tail, ear and muzzle pulling by just laying there and taking it. This is definitely a lesson we will have to work on in the future, because you think you can put your hands in any dog's face, which is just not the case.
You like to put your hands all up in Mom and Dad's faces, too. You don't know the meaning of "gentle" yet, so it pretty much means we get gouged. Luckily for me, you've been biting WAY less, and I am SO thankful. You haven't yet gouged any of your friends, mostly because of attentive mommies and daddies. You are a quick one, my love!
You still love your nursing and are only mildly interested in sippy/drinking cups. I'm beginning to worry that breast milk will be your only fluids for the foreseeable future. I can only hope you'll take to the cup
As for those teeth I thought would be coming in, well, they haven't. But they seem MUCH closer to the surface. You have four bulges, two on the bottom on either side of the ones you already have, and the two top front teeth. Looks like you got Momma's slow teeth, for sure. I'm hoping, for both of us, that they come in quickly and as painlessly as possible.
You have also been super funny with your tongue lately. I'm not sure what you think you can do with it, but it seems to hold special powers for you. You are exploring all sides of your mouth and gums with your tongue. You stick your tongue out at us and laugh when we reciprocate.
You are just one funny little dude, my love. You continually amaze me with your progress and love for your family. I am really enjoying this stage you are at -- not quite a baby, definitely not a toddler -- completely adorable.
Best wishes to my long and lanky dude.
All my love,
Mama
10.22.2007
When You're The Best of Friends...
Spending so much time together...
This is the kind of drunken photo they'll be hiding from us later:
Two preemies...two sets of Cracker parents...two CrackerDogs (Sasha and Stan)...two lifelong friends!Little Man and BigGuy have so many more fun times to look forward to! We can't wait to watch them unfold!
10.01.2007
Out of the Womb and Into Everything
Dear Little Man,
Today you turn nine months old. This month reminds me that you should have stayed "on the inside" for nine months, instead of seven+. You see, most moms get to say, "now you've been on the outside as long as you were on the inside." For me, that milestone came two months ago, when it should have come one week ago (nine months from your due date).
This is only one of the things that makes me feel sad that you came early -- that I have a preemie. I am not sad that you wanted to start off the New Year with a bang, just sad that your path has been a bit harder than some other babies'. But you have not shied away from your challenges. This is where Mommy and Baby are alike. We have both stared down this difficult path and beaten it with a stick left, right and center.
Right now, though, I want to tell you about your accomplishments -- not what you have dealt with and overcome, but what you are able to do despite your prematurity.
Just in the last week you have been able to sit for an extended period of time. Daddy and I are now confident enough to say, "Yes, he's sitting up!" It took a few weeks of wobbling, but you are doing it now!
I think your nature is to be on the move constantly, so it was hard for you to sit and appreciate the fact that you COULD sit, that you didn't have to be reaching out for things all the time. You could just sit and look at CrackerDog Sasha, instead of laboring to get closer to her.
Which brings me to how you move -- you roll like nobody's business! You can do a quadruple roll now, which means that WE NEED BABY GATES. You spin and scoot and heartily attempt to get your bum and chest off the ground at once.
Just a few short months ago, you were content rolling and rotating within the borders of your play mat. Not anymore. Now you cover some serious tracks, rolling from the mat to the kitchen, over to Sasha's bed, and back to the mat.
Just the other day, you made your way over to the cabinets and tried to pull on the handle to get off the floor. You are interested in so much more now. It's almost as if you got rid of your tunnel vision and are seeing the rest of the world for the first time.
Your cognitive abilities have truly amazed me lately. You know your name and Sasha's name perfectly. We think you know "Daddy" but you're still working on "Mama." That's okay. We're always together, and I don't usually refer to myself in the third person, so I'll cut you some slack on that one.
You eat with great gusto, something you must have inherited from me. Your skinny physique, though, is all Daddy. You are definitely looking like Warrior, Jr.
Some of your favorite foods are bananas (but NOT the jarred kind), sweet potatoes, apples, and most recently, carrots. You also eat oatmeal, prunes, apricots and chicken. You REALLY don't like corn and tofu -- you gag and make faces and refuse to open your mouth. You're not so sure about peas, and avocados are sometimes a hit and sometimes a miss. We tried rice cereal for your first food, but you broke out in eczema all over your body. So we stopped that for awhile and when we tried again, you barfed it ALL up. Even though your pediatrician said, "no one's ever allergic to rice!" we haven't tried it again.
Your first two teeth came in within four days of each other early last month. Since then, there hasn't been much progress, but I think you might be getting another tooth soon. You are putting your fingers in your mouth again and were uncharacteristically fussy last night.
I kind of miss your gummy smile, but you DO look awful cute with those two little teethies. I don't fully appreciate the teeth, though, because you like to test them out on me quite often. I tell you, "no bite. That hurts Mommy." But you just smile and moon at me most of the time. A few times, I have scared you and made you cry, which makes me feel terrible, but I usually get a few day bite reprieve from this tactic.
Overall you are a pretty mellow dude so far. Your GranCracker says you are an easy baby, and she should know since she's a mom to three and a grandmom to eight. You are generally very happy, but you can be hard to impress.
People trying to get you to laugh or smile sometimes have to work pretty hard to get any joy. However, you smile HUGE for Mama and Papa just because you love us. You smile and laugh at Sasha, too, because apparently you think she's hilarious.
I can't wait to see what the rest of your first year will bring. I'm sure you'll be officially crawling before we know it (and can prepare for it) and doing lots of other cool stuff that is beyond your "corrected" age.
Right now, though, I'm happy enjoying you and the stage you're in. I want to try to remember everything, to indelibly mark the you-ness in my brain. You fill me with so much love and light, my sweet, sweet boy.
Until next time,
I love you with all my heart,
Mama
9.16.2007
Preemie Powers, Activate!
On the left, #8, the BigGuy, and on the right, #5, the Little Man.
They are totally conspiring against us for future Code Brown's (aka "blow-outs") and up-all-night ragers.
9.10.2007
On Feeling Sad: A Reflection
I am sad you are no longer my tiny baby.
I am sad I did not fully appreciate those fleeting first few months.
I am sad I could not be as patient with you then as I am now.
I am sad I will never have this experience again, with you or any baby, my first born child.
I am sad our pregnancy ended early.
I am sad I did not get as much time wishing, hoping, thinking and planning about you and your arrival as I would have liked.
I am sad when I see largely pregnant women out and about, shopping for baby clothes, unencumbered by another child, because I know they are in the dream-filled state of not yet being a parent, something I did not get the time in which to relish.
I am sad when I see these women because I imagine they are more than thirty-two weeks pregnant; a state of being I never got to experience with you, my first baby.
I am sad you had a tough start to your life. But I am so proud of how strong you are.
My Amazing Boy, One Week Old8.15.2007
Profile of a Cracker: #6
LIKES: Golf, Guinness, Barbecuing, Beating my husband at Tiger Woods Golf '07
DISLIKES: Losing to my husband at Tiger Woods Golf '07, running out of beer
AWESOME RANDOM FACT: When told about "Crackerness," asked if he could be Cracker #1
Cracker #6 is truly a special guy. Where others spell their name with an "I," number 6 uses a "Y." #6 is totally comfortable in his own skin (and his own Crackerness), something we should all aspire to.
We met #6 in the NICU, where our boys were roommates. #5 and #8 shared a room for two weeks, the longest we had ever roomed with anyone. #7 (#6's wife) and I had been getting to know each other during the day. When our husbands came that night, #6 was ready to make some new friends. We found out that we lived fairly close to each other, and when I said that we didn't have any friends in the area with babies, #6 said, "Well, you do now!"
Awesome. Just awesome. There weren't that many couples like us in the NICU -- on the younger side, able to have Mom at the hospital all day, having a "wimpy white boy" -- and the one other couple that was like us (and had also been a roommate), wasn't friendly at all. In one small gesture, #6 formed a bond that will last a lifetime.
It is a very tough experience to have your (first) baby in the hospital for weeks on end. It is an experience that is impossible to describe to someone else -- the feelings, the worries, the setbacks -- and to have friends who went through the same thing makes getting along in the world OUTSIDE of the hospital SO much easier.
Little Man was VERY lucky. He was born at 32 weeks and "only" spent four weeks in the hospital. #8 was born at 27 weeks and spent TEN AND A HALF WEEKS in the NICU. The strength and courage of #'s 6 & 7 truly amaze me to this day.
#8 came home from the hospital two and a half weeks after #5. Those early months home were made much more enjoyable by our friendship fostered by #6. We understood the limitations and "corrected age" expectations of our boys, and our complete germ-phobia from what we call "The Fear of The NICU." So we were free to socialize with each other, when we were all too afraid to socialize with anyone else. Or the world in general.
#6 is the one who suggested we finally (GASP!) take our boys out in public for a ball game. He is also King of the Tailgate, coming fully prepared with BBQ, beers and chairs. He can make anyone feel welcome at his parties (tailgate or otherwise) with his open smile and friendly demeanor.
I haven't fully been able to point out #6's specific examples of Crackerness, in fact this profile has been a bit of a love fest, but rest assured, #6 is a TOTAL and COMPLETE Cracker. We like him that way. Thanks for joining the crew, #6.