Yesterday's post may have been a wee-tad overly dramatic. Ahem. That's what happens when you get stream of consciousness then push "Publish Post."
In addition to my flair for the dramatic, I also have a slew of other neuroses. Shall we get right to it?
1) I have self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder. I can rarely finish a task without coming back to it (save diaper changes and other must-do-now kidlet related tasks).
-When I actually get up the nerve to clean the house, you can guaran-damn-tee that I won't finish unloading the dishwasher before I go wipe down the coffee table, then change the laundry, while picking up and dropping things off randomly around the house.
-This annoys Warrior to no end, shaking his head and sighing at me, because he's actually good at cleaning AND he manages to stay focused and finish each task one at a time.
-It's almost as though I can't finish a task because the thought of what I'm doing (i.e., actually CLEANING, something I'd rather NOT be doing) is too much for me to bear - so I need to break it up into small bits so that the task doesn't seem so ominously LARGE.
-I get distracted by shiny things, loud noises, and the sound of my brain ticking.
2) I'm a yeller. I was the designated loud person in my family growing up, which had it's rewards and punishments. I loved calling all three of my siblings to dinner, but at the same time, I got spanked for yelling up the stairs once when my brother was a sleeping infant. I can kind of get that now, but holy hot hell, can you say mixed messages?
-I have for the most part curbed this behavior over the years, mostly at Warrior's insistence, because he don't roll like that. I DO NOT want to be The Mom That Yells At Her Kid.
-Sometimes this behavior slips out because...
3) I can be a bit of a hot head. There are times when a rage sprouts up inside me and it takes everything I have to keep it down. Blow ups DO still occur, but on a much smaller scale than they used to.
-I was the Queen of the bottled-up rage as a teenager.
-Now I don't bottle it up (much) and have extricated toxic people from my life to help facilitate this. (I've also worked on it in therapy and stuff.)
4) I have had anxiety of the "I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, and gosh darnit, nobody likes me" variety.
-Occasionally the evil voices of self-doubt still spring up on me when I am least expecting them.
5) I have had anxiety on the social functions/crowds/panic attack spectrum.
-My first panic attack was when I was 16. I was Christmas shopping with my older sister at a Wherehouse Music store when it all got to me - the lights, the warm store, the people - and I had to get the eff outta there as my heart was pounding, my breathing became rapid and my head started spinning (NOT literally, people, geez!).
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I'm already losing my focus here (actually I've been back and forth on this post for an hour now, so...), I JUST realized my coffee is in the microwave (I found peas from last night in there when I put my coffee in), and...wait, what was I saying again?
Oh yeah, this edition is closed. For now. I can't promise more of them. But, I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF MY NEUROSES. (Even if they ARE slightly embarrassing.)
Thanks to all mah Crackah friends for your support yesterday. I DID find the marker, and Little Man DID get in a (fairly) good nap. Life could have sucked more, that's for sure.
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