My Resolve Is Weakening

On April 7, 2007, Little Man's diaper was full of little bloody globules in his stool. Just four days prior, we had seen the pediatrician for his three month check-up, and the doctor had proclaimed his stool "perfect." What happened in such a short amount of time?

Seeing blood in your baby's diaper definitely freaks a mom (and dad) out. The doctor prescribed an elimination diet and a wait and see attitude, since Little Man was not exhibiting any other symptoms. In fact, he seemed perfectly healthy and happy.

The elimination diet I have now been on for four and a half months is wearing thin, to say the least. Of course, I am overjoyed that the Little Man is now symptom free, and has been for almost a month, but my taste buds are getting itchy. I'd really like some bread. Or cheese. Or nuts. Or actual noodles instead of rice or corn noodles.

At first I just had to give up dairy and eggs. Then dairy and eggs and soy and citrus and strawberries and tomatoes and chocolate (CHOCOLATE!! NOOOOOOO!!!!). Then I talked to the doctor again and she said, "OH, I forgot to tell you about nuts. You need to cut out nuts. Sorry!" This was all in the span of a week, just after Easter.

Five weeks into this brutality, with no improvement of symptoms, I was told to cut out wheat. I was now living the life of a gluten-free semi-vegan, and it sucked. It still sucks. But it doesn't suck as bad as Kristen's elimination diet did.

But there is hope for me -- today marks Little Man's one month free of symptoms. Our pediatrician said that I could add back a food after one month of no blood, since Little Man was symptomatic for so long. (Ok, for the last month I have cheated on the citrus and to a lesser extent, the tomatoes, but the GI doc said that was fine, and Munchie is still symptom free.) I really want more variety, but at the same time I am scared Little Man's symptoms will return. And I really don't want them to return.

I have put calls in to the pediatrician and the GI Doc's office to confirm my allowance. I don't want to have any backsliding. But part of me wonders, "what if it really is just the milk? Have I not been eating all these other things in vain?" At the same time, what if it's not the milk? The uncertainty is extremely frustrating. And the only way to get the answer is to risk seeing red again. Ugh.

This has definitely tested my willpower, but not as much as I had initially thought. To give something up for my own better health or weight loss is MUCH harder than giving up a lot of things for the benefit of my son's health. It is only recently that I have had cravings for the forbidden foods.

The diet was hard at first, because I did not know how to eat properly without all of those foods in my diet, especially dairy and wheat (and soy is now in EVERYTHING!! I swear!). I was constantly hungry, and had a headache the entire first week.

Now I don't feel any different than before -- I just eat differently. People ask me all the time if I feel GREAT! now that I've cut out dairy. But I don't. I feel exactly the same. Only I REALLY miss dairy. ;)

I will let you know how things pan out. Here's to hoping I can add a food, and that Little Man stays symptom free!

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