7.02.2008

From the VDog School of Cracker Home Repair

Let's say that you're a Cracker. Maybe your name happens to be VDog. And maybe you don't always do things the smart way.

Let's say you had an eight pound bag of ice that had melted together. For the sake of the story, let's also say that you wanted to break those bits of ice apart so that you could actually employ said ice to cool a tasty beverage.

Let's say that you have a husband named Warrior. Let's say that he gently reminded you on several occasions that ice should be broken outside on the concrete.

Let's say that you have a baby to watch, and gosh darn it, you don't *feel* like going OUTSIDE. With the baby AND the bag of ice.

Let's say you see a very promising corner to bang that bag of ice on. So you do. Repeatedly. Until holy shit the Warrior's gonna kill me you crack the drywall and take a big chunk of the corner off.

What do you do?

Let's say your first thought is DUCT TAPE! But no, that would just look ugly.

Like a good Mommy, you dress the wound with a sterile bandage and then tape over the wound with some delicious blue painter's tape. Yeah. Sounds like a great fix.

Hopefully Warrior won't notice. Ahem.

This is for all of you asking, WTF is a Cracker? What do you mean by that? Well, folks. This. Is. It.

VDog: Serving up daily doses of Crackerness since 2006, when the original three Crackers realized they were ones.

23 comments:

Cathy said...

OMG That is too funny!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I'm going to keel over. You've posted like three days in a row.

And, let's drink to Warrior NOT breaking you in two like the ice.

the planet of janet said...

i'm with aff. i am in stun (a version of shock but not so severe) that you have a streak going here.

i am likin' it tho. :-)

Malissa said...

OMG...this is hilarious! I think I should forward this to Lou so he knows that the Warrior faces the same challenges he does..haha!

I really think Little Man is getting cuter by the day!

Al_Pal said...

Oh. Em. Gee!

Frickin' hilarious. I laughed SO hard, yo. At length. Truly.

Um... shouldn't the countertops be able to handle the ice? Heh.

Hrm. Maybe we need to get you, like, a special tub and an icepick for occasions like this! XD

Oh, man.... I wonder if my man could patch that up. He does have some construction experience. :P

Love you!! *still giggling*

Rachel said...

I totally just fell a little bit more in lurv with you.
That is fabulous.
Too bad you didn't have masking tape, it might have blended a bit.

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

You're a crafty crackah.

And look at YOU posting!

dawn224 said...

fix that shit before I get there or I'll have to mock you endlessly.

Kelley said...

So why is painters tape blue?

And with that sterile bandage that shit is gunna heal itself with no scar. I bow to your awesomeness.

hockeyman said...

I probably would have just put some laundry over it instead of tape.

Maternal Mirth said...

GENIUS! Seriously, if Warrior does not appreciate your brilliance, I have a few things in need of painting tape over my way :)

Summer said...

Oh no, he'll never notice! *snort*

That's just too funny. :)

jennifer, playgroups are no place for children said...

He'd have to be some sort of super sleuth to notice something like that. You did an EXCELLENT job of disguising it.

Bradley's Mom said...

I am so excited to see you posting!!

And Commenting!

This was a VERY VERY funny post!

Have a Great 4th of July!

xoxo
Linda

BusyDad said...

Whew at least it was sterile gauze. The last thing you want is for that hole to get infected!

Karen said...

And the wonderful thing about that blue tape? It won't peel the paint when that wound heals.

maggie's mind said...

I laughed, and I really and truly did so out loud. I hate the whole clumpy ice thing. Been there. Not with the blue tape, but I'm there in spirit.

zoeyjane said...

did you consider some polysporin? just so there's no scar, of course.

Christie said...

Tender loving corner repair is what that is. Nicely done.

lattemommy said...

Who knew you had a secret calling as Dr. Bob Vila?

Miss said...

That was the alternative?? LMAO. At least its secure with the sterile bandage!

Huckdoll said...

Hilarious VDog...did you give it mommy kisses, too?

moosh in indy. said...

Leave the painters tape for over two weeks and it will become one with it's surroundings.

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