The Crackers

#1 aka Warrior aka VDog's husband. There is a reason he is Cracker #1. No further details available at this time.

#2 aka VDog. 28, stay-at-home Mom to one adorable Little Man. Sometimes scares people with her ascorbic acid. Total Cracker.

#3 aka The Bates. Was the idea founder of The Crackers. Wanted to be a step above White Trash. Did not know VDog's real name until many years after first meeting her.

#4 aka Amy aka Aimster aka A-Dawg. 29, newlywed to Cracker #4.2 (who is not enough of a total Cracker to warrant his own number). VDog's BBFF and first long-term Craigslist relationship. #4 tried hard to fight her Cracker status but eventually admitted that she indeed was one.

(This concludes the Original Four Crackers.)

#5 aka Little Man fka Little Bunny. Dubbed #5 while still in-utero. Makes his Cracker parents proud daily.

Along the way, we've added:

#6 aka Bryan aka "B." Husband to #7 and Daddy to #8. Upon meeting Crackers 1 & 3 in the NICU, he said, "yo, be our friends or die!" Or something like that.

#7 aka K. WHOA! aka Woody. Wife to #6 and Mommy to #8. One of VDog's top bitches. Fer reals. Woody kicks it old skool SoCal style, even though she's from Jersey. Yup, total Cracker.

#8 aka The Big Guy. Only the most awesome best friend #5 could ask for. Together in preemieness, they rawk it on the regular.

#9 aka CrackerGran. #8's Grandma. She personally asked to be #9, so we obliged. Only a TRUE Cracker asks to have OFFICIAL Cracker status.

#10 aka The One We Can't Remember If There Is One

#11 aka The Girl at the Body Lotion Shop who #3 and #7 decided was a total Cracker when she labeled #3's product, "Da Crackah Mix" when asked to label it "The Cracker Mix" because she was that damn cool.

Also Featuring:

CrackerDog Sasha. The coolest bitch on the planet.

The GranCracker (no #), #1's Mom and #5's Grandma, aka Maminou. She's Crackertastic. She came up with GranCracker all by herself, so you KNOW she's a real Cracker. And she birthed #1 -- it takes one to make one, ya know?

JC & CC -- Neighbors across the street from Crackers #1-3; CC is Little Man's girlfriend.

MOJO aka The Rice Cracker. VDog's girl from back in the day (well, 1997. That's as far back as VDog goes with any of her bitches.).


Please declare your Crackerness in the comments. Be proud!


Al_Pal said...

*iz proud*
Hmm... I feel like some special defining nomenclature would be necessary, though. Must ruminate on this.

I sense some disconnect between the #9 entry, and the GranCracker entry. Perhaps some clarification?

Hmm. The Love Cracker? Like Herbie, the Love Bug, but not? Burning Cracker? Scorched Wheat? ;p

Joe said...

Alright, now THIS would have helped in sorting out the numbering scheme. :) I am printing this out and keeping it handy when chatting, so I don't mistakenly swap the numbers anymore. ;)

Al_Pal said...

Dude, it came to me not that long after I posted my previous comment here: FireCracker! :P
How did I not see that before?
[perhaps b/c I'm a cracker?)

Whaddaya think? xoxo

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