7.24.2007

The Crackers

#1 aka Warrior aka VDog's husband. There is a reason he is Cracker #1. No further details available at this time.

#2 aka VDog. 28, stay-at-home Mom to one adorable Little Man. Sometimes scares people with her ascorbic acid. Total Cracker.

#3 aka The Bates. Was the idea founder of The Crackers. Wanted to be a step above White Trash. Did not know VDog's real name until many years after first meeting her.

#4 aka Amy aka Aimster aka A-Dawg. 29, newlywed to Cracker #4.2 (who is not enough of a total Cracker to warrant his own number). VDog's BBFF and first long-term Craigslist relationship. #4 tried hard to fight her Cracker status but eventually admitted that she indeed was one.

(This concludes the Original Four Crackers.)

#5 aka Little Man fka Little Bunny. Dubbed #5 while still in-utero. Makes his Cracker parents proud daily.

Along the way, we've added:

#6 aka Bryan aka "B." Husband to #7 and Daddy to #8. Upon meeting Crackers 1 & 3 in the NICU, he said, "yo, be our friends or die!" Or something like that.

#7 aka K. WHOA! aka Woody. Wife to #6 and Mommy to #8. One of VDog's top bitches. Fer reals. Woody kicks it old skool SoCal style, even though she's from Jersey. Yup, total Cracker.

#8 aka The Big Guy. Only the most awesome best friend #5 could ask for. Together in preemieness, they rawk it on the regular.

#9 aka CrackerGran. #8's Grandma. She personally asked to be #9, so we obliged. Only a TRUE Cracker asks to have OFFICIAL Cracker status.

#10 aka The One We Can't Remember If There Is One

#11 aka The Girl at the Body Lotion Shop who #3 and #7 decided was a total Cracker when she labeled #3's product, "Da Crackah Mix" when asked to label it "The Cracker Mix" because she was that damn cool.

Also Featuring:

CrackerDog Sasha. The coolest bitch on the planet.

The GranCracker (no #), #1's Mom and #5's Grandma, aka Maminou. She's Crackertastic. She came up with GranCracker all by herself, so you KNOW she's a real Cracker. And she birthed #1 -- it takes one to make one, ya know?

JC & CC -- Neighbors across the street from Crackers #1-3; CC is Little Man's girlfriend.

MOJO aka The Rice Cracker. VDog's girl from back in the day (well, 1997. That's as far back as VDog goes with any of her bitches.).

***NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR CRACKERS #'s 12 and UP!***

Please declare your Crackerness in the comments. Be proud!

3 comments:

Al_Pal said...

*iz proud*
Hmm... I feel like some special defining nomenclature would be necessary, though. Must ruminate on this.
AnthroCracker?
GranolaCracker?
SlackerCracker?
HoneyWheatCracker?

I sense some disconnect between the #9 entry, and the GranCracker entry. Perhaps some clarification?


Hmm. The Love Cracker? Like Herbie, the Love Bug, but not? Burning Cracker? Scorched Wheat? ;p

Daddy Joe said...

Alright, now THIS would have helped in sorting out the numbering scheme. :) I am printing this out and keeping it handy when chatting, so I don't mistakenly swap the numbers anymore. ;)

Al_Pal said...

Dude, it came to me not that long after I posted my previous comment here: FireCracker! :P
How did I not see that before?
[perhaps b/c I'm a cracker?)

Whaddaya think? xoxo

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